So my wife said she is going to leave me if I keep playing poker excessively.
I think she is bluffing
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class - because it was a weapon of math disruption.
I wanted to see Life Of Pi today, but I was worried it would never end...
Does your dog bite?A man walked into a bar and sat down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?" he asked. "No." A few minutes later the dog took a huge chunk out of the man's leg. "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" he said indignantly. The other guy replied, "That's not my dog."
A hamburger walks into a bar, and the bartenders says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve food here..."
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
Who ever invented the ?Knock-Knock jokes? should get a No-bell prize
I changed my iPhone's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
I used to be a doctor, but then I lost patients.
Past, Present and Future walked into a Bar. It was tense.
Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you.
I used to be a shoe salesman, till they gave me the boot.
To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!
He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
I've been to the dentist several times so I know the drill.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.