Real Cowboys don't take baths, they just dust off

Submitted by: Bill

Don't be flattered

A lady went into a bar in Waco, Texas and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table.
He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen.
The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet are well endowed.

The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady.
Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?"

The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him.
The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.
Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am.
Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before."

"Don't be flattered. Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."

Submitted by: cattrall

You are a real cowboy when your cemetery stone says.........

Submitted by: shannon

painted my horse's balls green

The little cowboy "Shorty" was leaving the bar to get on his horse for the ride back to the ranch,
when he noted that someone had painted his horse's balls green.
Totally pissed, he went back into the bar and shouted "Who's the dirty son of a bitch that painted my horse's balls green?!"
A big burly guy stood up and said "I did. Got a problem with that"? "None," says Shorty, "
just wanted to let you know he was dry and ready for the 2nd coat".

Submitted by: Bob

City boys vs Cowboys

City Boys: " It's almost 5:00pm . can't wait to have a nice martini."
Cowboys: "I've been drunk since breakfast."

Submitted by: Tom

This is our number one sport

A woman, while touring a small South American country was shown a bullfight.
The guide told her, "This is our number one sport."
The horrified woman said, "Isn't that revolting?"
"No," the guide replied, "revolting is our number two sport."

Submitted by: Faria

Dear Fake Country Girls:
This is what you look like to the real one's

Submitted by: Rio

but how did you guess that?

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd, in a remote mountainous pasture in California, when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"
Bud looks at the man,obviously a yuppie,then looks at his peacefully grazing herd, and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location, which he then feeds to another NASA satellite,that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email, on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives his response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don?t know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. ?" "Now give me back my dog!"

Submitted by: Molly

Save a Bull
Ride a Cowgirl

Submitted by: Sara

Are you a real Cowboy?

An old cowboy went to a bar and ordered a drink.
As he sat sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him.
She turned to the cowboy and asked,
"Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses, mending fences,
and branding cattle, so I guess I am.
"She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women.
As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women.
When I shower, I think about women.
As I watch TV, or even eat, I think about women.
Everything seems to make me think about women."
The two sat sipping in silence.
A short time later, a man sat down on the other side of the old Cowboy and asked,
"Are you a real Cowboy?"
He replied, "I always thought I was,
but I just found out I'm a lesbian"

Submitted by: Scot

You are a real cowboy when you ask the DOC. first
Is my Horse ok?!?

Submitted by: James

Did anyone else see my face?

A hooded robber burst into a Oklahoma bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash.
On his way out the door, a brave Oklahoma customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off revealing the robber’s face. The robber shot the customer without a moment’s hesitation.
He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him. The robber instantly shot him also. Everyone else, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence.
The robber yelled, ‘Well, did anyone else see my face?’
There are a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly afraid to speak.
Then, one old cowboy from West Texas tentatively raised his hand and said, ‘My wife got a pretty good look at you.’

Submitted by: Kate

Cowboy Bubble Bath

Submitted by: James

Cowboy wisdom

Submitted by: Rita

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