the doctor gave me some medicine and told me to take two drops a day in my beer,
about my hearing loss
I've been doing it for 5 days now and I still haven't noticed any improvement.
Submitted by: Aliex
he thought she might need a hearing aidA man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.
Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he Was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?"
So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Again he gets no response.
So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"
"Ralph , for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!"
Submitted by: Karen
Bob Suddenly realised his wife had fallen off her horse,
which was quite a relief to him as an hour before
he'd thought he'd gone deaf.
Submitted by: Tom
I know where my hearing aid isTwo elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.
Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, "Mabel, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?"
Mabel answered, "I have a suppository?" She pulled it out and stared at it.
Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."
Submitted by: Mike
Deaf man on duty
Submitted by: Kate
you should get batteriesAn old couple were sitting in church and the wife noticed that people were staring at her.
She leaned across to her husband and whispered,"I've just let out a silent fart.
What do you think I should do?"He said,"I think you should get batteries for your hearing aid."
Submitted by: Betty
Whats the most common cause of hearing loss in Men?
Submitted by: Sim
been off boozingAn old aristocrat arrives home one evening and, as usual, his butler helps him take off his overcoat.
"Well, you smelly old cunt," says the butler, "been off boozing and shagging whores again, have we?"
"No, James," says the count, "I was in town buying a new hearing aid and you're fired."
Submitted by: Leo
when the wife said: "Darling, I fancy a nude whore."
My mind went into overdrive imagining...
Unfortunately, she continued:
"Do you think we should get a upvc one,
or a traditional wooden one?"
Submitted by: Molly
serious hearing problemsAn elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.
The gentleman replied, Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!
Submitted by: Nelson
F**ing ebay hearing aids
Submitted by: Jena
What did he say?An old man goes in for his yearly physical, with his wife tagging along.
The doctor enters the examination room and says to the man, "I will need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample."
The old man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?"
The wife yells back to him, "GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERWEAR."
Submitted by: Scot
Permanent hearing disorderDad asked me "do you know what PHD stands for?"
"Permanent hearing disorder?" I answered.
"It stands for permanent hearing disorder, son." he replied
Submitted by: Betty
How does it work?After months of gentle urging from his wife, a man finally had to admit he needed a hearing aid.
The audiologist confirmed it. "How much do they cost?" he asked her.
"As you might expect," she said, "There's quite a wide range. They run from $2.00 to $2,000."
"Wow, the low end is lower than I would have ever guessed!" he said. "Let's see the $2.00 model."
The woman gave a knowing nod, and pulled it out of the closest drawer. "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket," she said.
"How does it work?" the man asked.
"Oh now, come on! For $2.00 it doesn't work!" she said.
"I don't understand," the man said, but the woman had heard that before.
"When people see it on you," she said, "they know to talk louder."
Submitted by: James