"Oh dear," he smirked. "A very large carrot"
I said. "Today was my first day as a door-to-door vegetable salesman in Oakland, California."

Submitted by: levy

you can have a sales job here for life!

This salesman has been bugging a haberdasher (bloke who runs a suit shop) for a long time for a job,
and finally the haberdasher looks at him in disgust and says,
"Look, I'll make a deal with you.
I've got one suit that I just haven't been able to sell
-- that purple, yellow, and green thing in the corner.
If you can sell it while I'm out to lunch; you can have a sales job here for life!"
And with a smug smile he goes to lunch.
He comes back and the salesman runs up to him, exclaiming:
"I sold the suit! I sold the suit!"
The owner looks at him in dismay --
the salesman's clothes are ripped and torn all to hell,
his face is scratched and bruised and bleeding.
The owner says, "What happened; did the customer put up a fight!?"
The salesman quickly replies,
"Oh, no; not at all -- but his seeing eye dog was annoyed"

Submitted by: Gosselin

"How about this, sir, the perfect gift for your wife, lover and soulmate?"
I replied "I can't afford three of them."

Submitted by: Kate

So do I

A salesman knocks at the door and a young boy answers.
The little boy says, "Please be quiet, sir. My mother is a prostitute and works all night.
She sleeps during the day."
The salesman scratches his head and says, "Well, I'll be a son of a b***ch"
The little boy replies,
"So do I, but I don't go around ringing people's doorbells and telling them about it."

Submitted by: Bob

What's the difference between a Radio 1 dj and a used car salesman?
One's a useless, lying, overpaid c**nt.
The other...Yeh, there's no difference.

Submitted by: Dave

insurance salesman

I applied for a job as an insurance salesman. Where the form requested 'prior experience', I jotted down 'Lifeguard'. Nothing else.
"We're looking for someone who can not only sell insurance, but who can sell himself," said the hiring manager for the insurance company. "How does working as a lifeguard pertain to salesmanship?"
"I couldn't swim," I replied.
I got the job.

Submitted by: Rio

If a man smiles all the time he's probably selling something that doesn't work. (quotes)

Submitted by: Jimmy

Traveling salesman

A man with a winking problem applies for a position as a traveling salesman and goes in for an interview.
Looking at your resume, I can see that you're more than qualified, says the interviewer. Unfortunately, we can't have our sales reps constantly winking at customers, so we can't hire you.?
But wait, says the man. If I take two aspirin, I stop winking.?
Then show me, replies the interviewer.
So the guy reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a pile of condoms in all different shapes, sizes, and colors before finally finding a packet of aspirin. He pops the pills and immediately stops winking.
It's great you stopped winking, says the interviewer, but we can't have our salesmen womanizing all over the country.
What do you mean? asks the man. I'm happily married.
How do you explain all the condoms? asks the interviewer.
Oh, that, sighs the man. Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?

Submitted by: Molly

I asked 100 women which Shampoo they preferred..
The top answer was How the hell did you get in here?

Submitted by: Sara

Excuse me, son, but is your mum or dad in?

A salesman knocks at the door of a home and it's answered by a twelve-year-old boy with a cigar in one hand and a half-empty bottle of scotch in the other.
The salesman asks the boy, "Excuse me, son, but is your mum or dad in?"
To which the boy replies, "Does it f**ing look like it?"

Submitted by: Scot

"why don't you drive it away"
"I was told if I bought a car here I would get screwed, so I am just waiting".

Submitted by: James

Yes but you told me you sell guaranteed used cars

My car broke down today so I phoned the garage I'd bought it from 2 days ago. "This car you sold me has broken down, what are you going to do about it?"
The salesman replied, "Nothing. You bought it as seen."
"Yes but you told me you sell guaranteed used cars." I said.
"You misunderstand, mate. All I do is guarantee that my cars are used."

Submitted by: James

Funny car salesman

Submitted by: Sara

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