Brian came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often
did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave a peck
on the cheek and fell asleep.
When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a
long flowing white robe. "Who the hell are you?" demanded Brian, "and what are
you doing in my bedroom?".
The mysterious Man answered "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter".
Brian was stunned "You mean I'm dead!! That can't be, I have so much to live
for, I haven't said goodbye to my family..... You've got to send me back
St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only
send you back as a dog or a hen."
Brian was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he
asked to be sent back as a hen.
A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking
the ground. "This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling
welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen, how are you
enjoying your first day here?"
"It's not so bad" replies Brian, "but I have this strange feeling inside like
I'm about to explode."
"You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an
"Never" replies Brian.
"Well just relax and let it happen" says the rooster.
And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from
under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got
the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid
his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being
reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him.... Ever!!!
The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an
enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting "Brian, wake
up you drunken sod, you're shitting on the bed!!"
Submitted by: OLA
Submitted by: Rona
I had a Fabulous dream
Two friends are talking & one says, " I had a fabulous dream last night; I went
to Disneyland, went on every ride and had a great time."
The friend says, " I had a great dream, too. I was sitting at home alone when
the doorbell rang. I answered it and there was a beautiful blonde in a sexy
negligee who came in and started making love to me on the couch. Just then, the
doorbell rang again. This time it was a gorgeous redhead in a sexy
negligee who came in and joined in making love to me on the couch!"
"Wow," says the first guy, "two beautiful, sexy women! Why didn't you call me?"
"I did," says his friend, " your mother said you went to Disneyland!"
Submitted by: Ted
STop Texting the men in my dreams?
Submitted by: Dave
What is your dream?
A young man went to a fortune teller. Gazing into her crystal ball, the old lady
asked, "What is your dream, young man? What do you want to do with your life?"
"I want to become a great writer.
"How do you define great?" she asked.
"I want to write things that the whole world will read, things that people will
react to on a truly emotional level, things that will make them scream, cry,
wail, howl in pain,
desperation and anger.
"The fortune teller reassured him, "It will be so."
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
Submitted by: Gina
Difference between men & women Dream
Women dream of world peace,
a safe environment and eliminating hunger.
Men, on the other hand,
dream of being trapped on an elevator with
Submitted by: Wilmer
When I used to live on Earth
I had a dream last night that I went to Heaven, and I met St. Peter at the
Pearly Gates. I asked him if I could take a look around the place. Peter agreed,
and even offered to show me around. We went a ways, until we met President
Clinton, tied to one of the most ugliest beast you could ever, ever imagine. It
was nearly human, probably about 95 years old, 5 inch thick glasses, grease just
dripping off its body, muttering every now and then like a sick crow. We asked
Bill why he was chained to this awful creature.
Bill replied: "Well, when I used to live on Earth, I committed a number of sins,
and now I'm chained to this realy ugly old thing as penance."
We wished former President Clinton the best of luck, and moved on. A while later
we met with none other than Elvis Presley, the King of Rock, and he was tied to
another of the most ugliest creatures you could imagine, even worse than the
first one. We asked Mr. Presley why he was chained to such an ugly thing.
The King replies: "Well, when I used to live on Earth, I committed a number of
sins, and now I have to live with this ugly old monster for a while as penance."
We wished the King the best of luck, and moved on. After a while we met up with
Bill Gates, president of Microsoft. Bill Gates just so happened to be chained to
one of the most
gorgeous, luscious, and sexiest woman you could ever imagine, long blonde hair,
blue eyes, long limbs, and a beautiful figure. So, we asked him why they were
chained to each
other like that.
The woman answered first: "When I used to live on Earth, I committed a number of
Submitted by: Biker
My dream is...
Submitted by: Danny
Some Intrusting Facts about Dream
"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt"..
The average person has over 1,460 dreams a year.
Most dreams last only 5 to 20 minutes
Scientists say the higher your I.Q. The more you dream.
The colder the room you sleep in, the better the chances are that you'll have a
The French national anthem, "La Marseillaise," derived its title from the
enthusiasm of the men of Marseilles, France, who sang it when they marched into
Paris at the outset of the French Revolution. Rouget de l'Isle, its composer,
was an artillery officer. According to his account, he fell asleep at a
harpsichord and dreamt the words and the music.
Upon waking, he remembered the entire piece from his dream and immediately wrote
Submitted by: Vicky
He's afraid to go to sleep
Submitted by: Pop
Funny Dream Quotes
The failure to get back to sleep so you can finish a great dream.
I follow my dreams ... Except the one where I'm naked in church.
The dream of the older generation was to pay off a mortgage. The dream of
today's young families is to get one.
Your future depends on your dreams - So go to sleep!
"I hope I never meet the girl of my dreams. She's seen me in a lot of awkward
"Dream big dreams: nap often.
"I quit following my dreams. They weren't following me back.
Man says to wife 'I had a wet dream about you last night, I dreamt you got run
over by a bus and I pissed myself laughing'.
If you can imagine it,You can achieve it.If you can dream it,You can become it.
by William Arthur Ward
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
Those who do not dare to dream, sleep most of the day
He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher... or, as his wife would
have it, an idiot.
Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today.
Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief
in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all
things are possible for those who believe.
Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them
To accomplish great things, we must dream as well as act.
For hope is but the dream of those that wake.
Our life is composed greatly from dreams from the unconscious and they must be
brought into connection with action. They must be woven together
The best reason for having dreams is that in dreams no reasons are necessary
I have had dreams and I have had nightmares. I overcame the nightmares because
of my dreams
Democracy is only a dream it should be put in the same category as Arcadia Santa
Claus and Heaven
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams Live the life you have imagined
Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time
Only as much as I dream can I be
Good plans shape good decisions. Thats why good planning helps to make elusive
dreams come true
I had dreams and I've had nightmares. I overcame the nightmares because of my
To accomplish great things, we must dream as well as act.
Ideas must work through the brains and arms of good and brave men, or they are
no better than dreams
if you had a bad dream in the morning would you call it a Morningmare or
Submitted by: Cook
every Men's Dream
Submitted by: Utah
Does the door have any letters on it?
One day a blonde kept having the same weird dream everyday, so she went to her
Doctor: What was your dream about?
Blonde: I was being chase by a vampire!
Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what is the scenery like?
Blonde: I was running in a hall way.
Doctor: Then what happened?
Blonde: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing
happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the
door and pushing the
door, but it wouldn't budge!