Pleasant Dream

Submitted by: Jiff

Funny Dream Story

Brian came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.

When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. "Who the hell are you?" demanded Brian, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?".

The mysterious Man answered "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter".

Brian was stunned "You mean I'm dead!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family..... You've got to send me back straight away."

St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen."

Brian was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.

A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground. "This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.

The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?"

"It's not so bad" replies Brian, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode."

"You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before."

"Never" replies Brian.

"Well just relax and let it happen" says the rooster.

And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him.... Ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting "Brian, wake up you drunken sod, you're shitting on the bed!!"

Submitted by: OLA

Child's Dream

Submitted by: Rona

I had a Fabulous dream

Two friends are talking & one says, " I had a fabulous dream last night; I went to Disneyland, went on every ride and had a great time."

The friend says, " I had a great dream, too. I was sitting at home alone when the doorbell rang. I answered it and there was a beautiful blonde in a sexy negligee who came in and started making love to me on the couch. Just then, the doorbell rang again. This time it was a  gorgeous redhead in a sexy negligee who came in and joined in making love to me on the couch!"

"Wow," says the first guy, "two beautiful, sexy women! Why didn't you call me?"

"I did," says his friend, " your mother said you went to Disneyland!"

Submitted by: Ted

STop Texting the men in my dreams?

Submitted by: Dave

What is your dream?

A young man went to a fortune teller. Gazing into her crystal ball, the old lady asked, "What is your dream, young man? What do you want to do with your life?"

"I want to become a great writer.

"How do you define great?" she asked.

"I want to write things that the whole world will read, things that people will react to on a truly emotional level, things that will make them scream, cry, wail, howl in pain,
desperation and anger.

"The fortune teller reassured him, "It will be so."

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

Submitted by: Gina


Difference between men & women Dream

Women dream of world peace,
a safe environment and eliminating hunger.

Men, on the other hand,
dream of being trapped on an elevator with

Submitted by: Wilmer


He's afraid to go to sleep

Submitted by: Pop


When I used to live on Earth

I had a dream last night that I went to Heaven, and I met St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. I asked him if I could take a look around the place. Peter agreed, and even offered to show me around. We went a ways, until we met President Clinton, tied to one of the most ugliest beast you could ever, ever imagine. It was nearly human, probably about 95 years old, 5 inch thick glasses, grease just dripping off its body, muttering every now and then like a sick crow. We asked Bill why he was chained to this awful creature.

Bill replied: "Well, when I used to live on Earth, I committed a number of sins, and now I'm chained to this realy ugly old thing as penance."

We wished former President Clinton the best of luck, and moved on. A while later we met with none other than Elvis Presley, the King of Rock, and he was tied to another of the most ugliest creatures you could imagine, even worse than the first one. We asked Mr. Presley why he was chained to such an ugly thing.

The King replies: "Well, when I used to live on Earth, I committed a number of sins, and now I have to live with this ugly old monster for a while as penance."

We wished the King the best of luck, and moved on. After a while we met up with Bill Gates, president of Microsoft. Bill Gates just so happened to be chained to one of the most
gorgeous, luscious, and sexiest woman you could ever imagine, long blonde hair, blue eyes, long limbs, and a beautiful figure. So, we asked him why they were chained to each
other like that.

The woman answered first: "When I used to live on Earth, I committed a number of sins..."

Submitted by: Biker


My dream is...

Submitted by: Danny

Some Intrusting Facts about Dream

"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt"..

The average person has over 1,460 dreams a year.

Most dreams last only 5 to 20 minutes

Scientists say the higher your I.Q. The more you dream.

The colder the room you sleep in, the better the chances are that you'll have a bad dream.

The French national anthem, "La Marseillaise," derived its title from the enthusiasm of the men of Marseilles, France, who sang it when they marched into Paris at the outset of the French Revolution. Rouget de l'Isle, its composer, was an artillery officer. According to his account, he fell asleep at a harpsichord and dreamt the words and the music.
Upon waking, he remembered the entire piece from his dream and immediately wrote it down.

Submitted by: Vicky


Funny Dream Quotes

The failure to get back to sleep so you can finish a great dream.

I follow my dreams ... Except the one where I'm naked in church.

The dream of the older generation was to pay off a mortgage. The dream of today's young families is to get one.

Your future depends on your dreams - So go to sleep!

"I hope I never meet the girl of my dreams. She's seen me in a lot of awkward situations.

"Dream big dreams: nap often.

"I quit following my dreams. They weren't following me back.

Man says to wife 'I had a wet dream about you last night, I dreamt you got run over by a bus and I pissed myself laughing'.

If you can imagine it,You can achieve it.If you can dream it,You can become it. by William Arthur Ward

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

Those who do not dare to dream, sleep most of the day

He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher... or, as his wife would have it, an idiot.

Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today.

Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.

Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true.

To accomplish great things, we must dream as well as act.

For hope is but the dream of those that wake.

Our life is composed greatly from dreams from the unconscious and they must be brought into connection with action. They must be woven together

The best reason for having dreams is that in dreams no reasons are necessary

I have had dreams and I have had nightmares. I overcame the nightmares because of my dreams

Democracy is only a dream it should be put in the same category as Arcadia Santa Claus and Heaven

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams Live the life you have imagined

Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming

Only as much as I dream can I be

Good plans shape good decisions. Thats why good planning helps to make elusive dreams come true

I had dreams and I've had nightmares. I overcame the nightmares because of my dreams.

To accomplish great things, we must dream as well as act.

Ideas must work through the brains and arms of good and brave men, or they are no better than dreams

if you had a bad dream in the morning would you call it a Morningmare or Nightmare?

Submitted by: Cook


every Men's Dream

Submitted by: Utah

Does the door have any letters on it?

One day a blonde kept having the same weird dream everyday, so she went to her doctor.

Doctor: What was your dream about?

Blonde: I was being chase by a vampire!

Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what is the scenery like?

Blonde: I was running in a hall way.

Doctor: Then what happened?

Blonde: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the
door, but it wouldn't budge!

Doctor: Does the door have any letters on it?

Blonde: Yes it did.

Doctor: And what did these letter spell?

Blonde: It said "Pull."

Submitted by: Vicky


every Women's Dream

Submitted by: Linda

Thousands of people dreaming of the same man

Submitted by: Admin


what not to say to parents when picking up a date

what not to say to parents when picking up a date

Top Ten Things Which men Like to hear

Top Ten Things Which men Like to hear

Top Ten Things Which Women Like to hear

TOp Ten Things Which Women Like to hear

Top ten things only women understand

Top ten things only women understand

Top ten things only men understand

Top ten things only men understand

women vs men

women vs men

funny words

funny words

funny reasons

funny reasons

jokes about dreams

jokes about dreams

Things you should not say in bed

Things you should not say in bed

A Stack of Top 5 Funnies bi-Weekly

We don't deliver junk but only the best and top rated funnies from the world wide web to save you time. Join Today! and be the first to hear about our latest post.

Funny and Humorous