Worries about unborn child

Submitted by: Nina<

your daughter has informed me of the problem

An eighteen-year-old Italian girl tells her mom that she has missed her period for the past two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.

The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I wann-a to know!"
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.

Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them:

"Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem.

I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I will take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of my life.

"Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, two retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account.

"If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account.
If twin boys, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each.

"However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, holding a shotgun, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder.

The father says, "You gonna try again. Right?

Submitted by: Winy

Teen Pregnancy

Submitted by: Eric

Very Short Story About Religion , Sexuality and Mystery

The girl was supposed to write a short story in as few words as possible for her literary class and the instructions were that it had to discuss Religion, Sexuality and Mystery.

She was the only one who received an A+ and this is what she wrote, "Good God, I'm pregnant, I wonder who did it?"

Submitted by: Tars

What the F.....

Submitted by:  Rita

What I get


Submitted by: Phil

That doesn't sound like something to celebrate

Man walks into a bar and orders 7 shots of tequila.

The bartender says, "are you celebrating something?"

The man says, " Yes, my wife ran away with my best friend."

Bartender says, "That doesn't sound like something to celebrate."

Man says, "Oh sure, it saves me a ton of money, they were both pregnant!"

Submitted by: Dave

funny pregnancy announcements


Submitted by: Tara

The case came up in court

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.

The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this, when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition.

She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.

But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!'

... I just lost it.'"

'CASE DISMISSED!!'

Submitted by: Maria

Welcome Home Dady

Submitted by: Simran

Some Important Pregnancy Questions

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.


Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.


Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q. How does one sanitize nipples?
A. Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a saucepan.

Q. Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?
A. Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.

Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A. In your breasts.

Q. Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
A. Yes, baby lips.

Q. What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A. It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.

Q. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes high school.

Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q. The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A. 'Cause you're fatter than they are.

Q. How long is the average woman in labor?
A. Whatever she says, divided by two.


Q. Under what circumstances can sex at the end of pregnancy bring on labor?
A. When the sex is between your husband and another woman.


Submitted by: Moon

funny pregnancy announcements with style


Submitted by: Linda

When SHE was pregnant

Since the wife is eight months into her pregnancy, the husband has to sleep on the floor to avoid any regrettable mistake, which might happen pretty easily, for he has been desperate for sex for quite a while now.

Just before lying down on the bed, she glances at him and sees the poor guy curled up on the floor, eyes stare widely into the empty air, filled with hopeless desire.

Feeling sorry for her husband, she opens the top drawer of the cabinet, takes out a fifty dollar bill, and gives it to him. She says, "Awww, honey you're so depressed. Here, take this and go to the woman next door, and she will let you sleep with her tonight. But remember that this happens only once... Ok? Don't think about it or ask me to do this again."

The husband rolls his eyes in disbelief, but afraid that she may change her mind, he grabs the money and leaves quickly.

A few minutes later, he returns, hands the bill back to the wife and says with much  disappointment, "She said this is not enough, she wants sixty dollars."

The wife's face slowly turns red with anger.

"Damn that bitch! When SHE was pregnant I only charged her husband fifty!

Submitted by: Pal

Father to be misses birth of his son

Submitted by: Fred

Funny pregnancy Quotes

"I'm not fat I'm pregnant what's your excuse?"

"If nature had arranged that husbands and wives should have children alternatively, there would never be more than three in a family"

"YES, I'm pregnant again. YES, I know what causes it. NO I don't think I've had too many!"

A moment in my tummy... a lifetime in my heart.

Life is always a rich and steady time when you are waiting for something to happen or to hatch.

Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.

I can grow people, what's your superpower?

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.

Dear Periods, the only reason I like you is because you're a sign that I'm not pregnant.

If pregnancy were a book they would cut out the last two chapters.

Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it...

If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament

Babies are always more trouble than you thought, and more wonderful.

Families with babies, and families without babies are sorry for each other.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.


Submitted by: Katrina

Surprise announcement


Submitted by: William

It is a Boy

Submitted by: Rick

Mommy, you are getting fat!

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. 

She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!".

I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." 

"I know," she replied, "but what is growing in your butt?"

Submitted by: David

No pregnant

Submitted by: Flip

Funny way to announce pregnancy on your facebook status


I'm not interested in being Wonder Woman in the delivery room


Love and pregnancy and riding on a camel cannot be hid so why should I


A grand adventure is about to begin


Ask me about my birth control method


Get Lost! Can't you see I'm trying to shiplift this basketball!?


Prego pasta sauce Picture

Bun in oven


Birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom company :)



My belly is about to blow like J-lo. Idk sorry it just rhymes


I'm a Pregasauraus...mess with me and you'll be extinct.

Cookie monster onboard

"Rub My Belly....For Good Luck

Submitted by: David

Can your baby get pregnant if

Submitted by: Molly

Short about pregnancy

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly....

Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: It's triplets.
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.
 



Just try to relax, this won't take long," said the gynecologist trying to calm the obviously nervous young blonde patient.

"Haven't you ever been examined like this before?" he asked.

"Yeah, sure," she replied, "but not by a doctor!"


 




"I have to be very careful not to get get pregnant," a woman told her friend.

"I don't understand," said the friend. "I thought your husband had a vasectomy."

The woman answered, "Precisely."
 


Submitted by: David

Can I become preganat

Submitted by: Emma

Top 10 Funny Books name about pregnancy

 Male Delivery

Complete Organic Pregnancy



HTML for Babies

Daddy Needs A Drink



The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy

Pacify Me (A Handbook for the Freaked-Out New Dad)

What Expect when your wife expanding

The Pregnancy Progect

Barefoot in the Kitchen

There is a House inside my mummy

Submitted by: Admin

 

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