I have never done before

Brad had a blind date with Ashley for the prom and,as the evening progressed, he found himself attracted to her more and more.
After the prom he drove to a secluded spot and parked.
After some really passionate embracing, he persuaded her to move into the backseat.
When things got heated up again he said,
"Tell me, do you object to making love?"
"That's something I have never done before,"
Ashley replied."Never made love? You mean you are a virgin?"
Brad was amazed.
"No, silly!" she giggled. "I've never objected!"

Submitted by: Bill

It damn near woke me up.

Submitted by: Dave

Is this your husband?

After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.
"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.
He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.
Naturally, the guy began to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."

Submitted by: Kate

Is this your final answer?

Submitted by: Kate

May be you like it.

Submitted by: willy

That was unforgettable

Submitted by: Sara

Tiger wouldn't do that.

"On the first night of their honeymoon, the new bride tells her husband,
'I have a confession to make.
I'm not a virgin. I've been with one other guy.'
'Oh yeah? Who was the guy?'
'Tiger Woods, the golfer.'
'Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can understand that.'
The couple then makes passionate love.
When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
'What are you doing?' asks the wife.
'I'm hungry. I'm calling room service.
''Tiger wouldn't do that.''Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?''
He'd come back to bed and do it a second time.
'The husband drops the phone and makes love to his wife a second time.
When they finish, he goes back to the phone.
'What are you doing now?' she asks.
'I'm still hungry, so I'm going to ring room service for some food.''
Tiger wouldn't do that.''Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?
''He'd come back to bed and do it one more time.'
The husband puts the phone down and heads back to bed.
Exhausted after the third love making session,
he shuffles back to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, 'Are you calling room service?''
No! I'm calling Tiger Woods to find out what's par for this hole!'"

Submitted by: Tom


The most wonderful dream

Submitted by: Dave

How'd you sleep

By the time the soldier pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken.

"You've got to have a room somewhere", he pleaded with a proprietor.

"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, but he is an Air Force guy" admitted the manager, and he might be glad to split the cost.

 But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you.

"No problem." the tired Army guy assured him, "I'll take it." The next morning the soldier came down to breakfasts bright-eyed and bushy tailed.

'How'd you sleep?" asked the manager.

"Never better", said the soldier. The manager was impressed.

"No problem with the other guy snoring all night long?"

"No, I shut him up in no time", explained the soldier.

"How'd you manage that?" asked the proprietor.

'Well, he was already in bed, snoring away, when I walked into the room, so I gave him a kiss on the cheek" explained the soldier.

'Then, I whispered in his ear "Good night beautiful", and he sat up all night watching me.

Submitted by: Tom

Are you going to put this on your blog?

Submitted by: Linda

Swap posittions tonight

"Darling" says a husband coyly to his wife: "let's swap positions tonight".
"What a good idea" she replies, "you stand in front of the ironing board, and I'll sit in front of the TV and fart".

Submitted by: Nena

Romantic Mode

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck."
Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. "Where are you going?" she asked.

"To get my teeth!"

Submitted by: Jena


What?

Submitted by: Polly

How would you like some of this?

A frustrated wife decided her sex life needed spicing up. After work, she went shopping and picked up a pair of crotchless panties.

She went home and donned the new garment and selected a short skirt to go with it.
She greeted her husband when he came home from work and sat across from him as they had a drink.

while approching bed , She slowly spread her legs..."Honey would you like some of this?"

He replied, "Hell no, look what it's done to your underwear!"

Submitted by: Tara

Showing off

Submitted by: Leo

Why don't you do that?

A wife laying on the bed taking her husband about the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple?, How loving they are ?
He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that? she asked.
The husband replied:
"I tried once but she slapped me."

Submitted by: John

Shout Dirty

Submitted by: Kim

You really love me

A guy and a girl are lying in a dorm-room bed after just having sex.
The girl lays on her side of the bed and rests.
The guy goes to his side of the bed and says to himself, "Man oh Man I finally did it! I'm no longer a virgin."
The girl overhears him talking to himself and asks, "Are you saying you lost your virginity to me?"
"Well," the guy explains, "I always wanted to wait until I was with the woman I love to lose my virginity."
Astounded, the girl replies, "So you really love me?"
"Oh God no!", the guy says. "I just got sick of waiting."

Submitted by: Jade 

Staff meeting 

Submitted by: Sara

Strickly Avoid these lines in bed

But everybody looks funny naked!

You woke me up for that?

Try breathing through your nose.

A little rug burn never hurt anyone!

Whipped cream makes me break out.

?Is your first time?? ?Yeah. Today!?

Hurry up! This room rents by the hour!

Pass the remote control.

On second thought, let?s do turn off the lights.

And to think I was gonna try to pick up your friend!

So much for mouth-to-mouth.

I hope you look this good when I?m sober.

Do you get any premium movie channels?

Try not to smear my make-up, will ya?

Hey! I just had this couch cleaned.

Got any penicillin?

But I just brushed my teeth.

I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs.

I want a baby.

So much for my sexual fantasy fulfillment.

Why am I doing all the work?

Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth.

Hmm. Maybe I'll paint the ceiling beige.

When does this start feeling good?

Put that blender back in the kitchen!

You?re good enough to do this for a living.

Did I remember to take my pill?

Are you sure I don?t know you from somewhere?

Too bad you don't get the Playboy channel.

But my cat always sleeps on that pillow.

If you quit smoking, maybe you'd have more endurance.

No, really. I do this part better myself!

It?s nice being in bed with someone I don?t have to inflate!

This would be more fun with more people.

You?re almost as good as my ex!

Is that you I smell?

You look younger than you feel.

Maybe you?re just out of practice.

For a fat girl, you don?t sweat much!

That's not cracker crumbs, it?s a rash.

Now I know why they dumped you.

Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun?

What tampon?

Have you ever considered liposuction?

And to think I didn?t even have to buy you dinner!

What are you planning for breakfast?

I was so horny tonight, I would have taken home a duck!

Is that a hanging sculpture?

You?ll still vote for me, won?t you?

Did I mention my sex change?

Did you come yet?

Did you come already?

Want to know who I?m fantasizing about?

A good plastic surgeon can fix that.

Does this count as a date?

Oprah had a show about people like you.

Biting is so romantic.

Would you like to meet my parents?

Have you seen Fatal Attraction?

Do you mind if I make a phone call while you finish?

Don?t worry, he?s friendly for a Doberman.

Sorry, I don?t do toes!

Could you at least pretend you?re enjoying it!

Keep it down. Mom?s a light sleeper.

Did you know I work for The Enquirer?

So that?s why they call you Flash!

My ex used to go a lot longer!

When?s it my friend?s turn?

Long kisses clog my sinuses.

How long do you plan to be ?almost there??

What do you mean: you?re not my blind date?

What do you think you're going to do with THAT?!

Don't worry, I won't tell anyone.

I thought you had a condom!

I got your number from a bathroom wall.

That's my dad, the Police Chief. Why?

Nah, my last boyfriend said his AIDS was cured.

I thought in this state that 16 was legal.

When you said you were 'hung like a horse,' I wasn't thinking pony!

If you keep your feet up, you won't get pregnant.

Well, I'm done. How about you?

Oh, my kid-brother watches everything I do.

Don't you have anything in a large?

Did I mention I'm married?

Let me know when I'm supposed to breathe heavy.

When do I get paid?

I've never done this with someone else before.

You must be a good dentist... I didn't feel a thing.

Somehow I thought it was supposed to be bigger.

I can't believe I've been saving myself for that!

What do you mean, the condom's leaking?

That was much better than sheep!

Do you have a sister?

You don't mind if I wear surgical gloves, do ya?

Tell me if this hurts.

Have you seen the keys to the handcuffs?

Is it supposed to look like that?

Is it supposed to smell like that?

Sorry, I didn't mean to laugh.

Oh, hi, Dad!

Is it in?

I don't know what's wrong; it worked fine with your sister.

Dad says you'd make a great son-in-law.

I think 37 seconds is a new record for me.

Do you have a shoehorn?

Trust me.

Wrong hole! WRONG HOLE!!

Submitted by: Fred . ken , betty

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