Dog responsible for a divorce

Submitted by: Smith

You aren't the first medical practitioner

Doctor Paul had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.

But every once in awhile he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Doctor, don't cry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go."

But, invariably, another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering....

"Paul......

"Paul......

"Paul......

"....you're a veterinarian."

Submitted by: Tara

funny veterinary clinic names

Submitted by: Usher

The Nair rung up

A neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the vet. He found the problem was hair in its ears, so he cleaned it out and the dog could hear fine. The vet told the lady if she wanted to keep this from reoccurring she should go to the store and get some "Nair," and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.

So she goes into the drug store, and as she is getting the Nair rung up, the druggist says, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."

The lady says, "I'm not using it under my arms."

The druggist says, "If you're using this on your legs, don't shave for a couple of days."

The lady says, "I'm not using it on my legs. If you must know, I'm using it on my schnauzer."

The druggist says, "Stay off your bicycle for a week.

Submitted by: Mona

funny veterinary clinic Sign

Submitted by: Linda

The zoo veterinarian determined the problem

A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very ornery, and difficult to handle.
Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas available. While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed Paul, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Paul, it was rumored, possessed ample ability to satisfy any female, but he wasn't very bright. So, the zoo administrators thought they might have a solution. Paul was approached with a proposition: would he be willing to screw the gorilla for five hundred bucks?
 
Paul showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, Paul announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions

"First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her. Secondly, I want nothing to do with any offspring that may result from this union."
The zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what was his third condition.

"Well," said Paul, "you've gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred bucks

Submitted by: Retro

Deactivate a Cat


Submitted by: Eric

How you imagined your life as veterinarian

Submitted by: Bob

I'm feeling uneasy

"Dear" croaked a husband with an effort "I'm feeling uneasy. Call a veterinary, please."
"A veterinary?!!!" asked his wife in surprise
"Because" answered the husband "I work as a horse, live as a dog and sleep with a cow!!!

Submitted by: Rob

Funny veterinary questions

Is it normal for my dog to lick his testicles so much?  

I am eight months pregnant and am wondering if you can suggest ways of introducing my new baby to our family dog?  

How do I keep my cat from playing with my nuts?  

Is it possible to remove the bark from my dog?  

"Is a cats heart in its belly?  

My Dog is eating really fast ? is he Hungry?  

Where can get condoms for my Dog?  

Dr. Francis , could you come out and seduce my Cow again?

Is it weird my male cat lets my male dog have sex with it?

Dog had delivered 9 live puppies. "But she ate one. Will she have it again?"  

Do dogs have wet dreams?

How does my dog think me chasing her around a small table in circle is fun?

I'm embarrassed to ask but if my dog has a yeast infection, can my wife catch it?

client: Doc, I think my cat has crabs! doc: Why do you think your cat has crabs? client: because my husband said he got them from the cat sleeping in the bed!  

My Pet is very hipper what do I do?  

"At what age will my kitten stop sucking my nipples?"  

Why is my male dog still horny?  

A pregnant lady  wanted to know why the dog was so fat. I discovered that the dog was pregnant. Upon telling her so, she was very adamant that she had not been with a male dog. Then she said "Do you think that if she thought about it long enough and hard enough that she could have gotten pregnant by herself?"

Doc explained that the drops need to be placed in both ears to control the infection. To which the owner responds: "Oh, both ears? Doesn't it go through from the other side?"
 



Is my puppy okay , I never seen this before?

 




'My dog always wants to watch tv, he even wake me up during the night to switch on tv : do you think that watching too much tv might be dangerous?'

 


My cat Likes to watch me in shower ..


 



"Can I catch my cat's urinary tract infection?" I wondered if they were using the same box.........

 

I once had a client ask if I would cut her dog's nipples off. When I asked why the owner said because they are large and the family doesn't like looking at them.
 



Is it true that when a dog looks at you and blinks, that it means "I love you?"

Submitted by: James

funny pregnancy announcements at facebook


funny pregnancy announcements at facebook

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Funny sickness excuses from the parents

jokes about pregnancy


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jokes about hospital

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jokes about dentists

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veterinary jokes

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Funny psychiatrist

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